O Palin, My Palin

Prior to the beginning of the Republican primaries, my wife and I made a bet that Sarah Palin would enter the race for the GOP presidential nomination. I was certain that she’d run, and my penalty for being wrong was that I had to write a heartfelt Ode To Sarah, expressing why the country would have been a better place if she had run, and deliver it without warning from a soap-box at some family function. In contrast to my long and illustrious tradition of welching on bets with my wife, I delivered the following perversion of Walt Whitman’s ‘O Captain, My Captain’, at our Memorial Day jamboree.

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Oh Palin! My Palin! Thy POTUS bid is gone;
     The country’s full of asses, and asses do it run.
     Our party votes that Mitney hack, because there’s no real choice,
     While greatness lies behind your locks, and locked up in your voice.

     But O votes! votes! votes!
     O yearning states of blue,
     The brothers Koch, that’s Dave and Chuck
     Would leap to fund you.

O Palin, My Palin, your country longs for thee!
     Articulate, you’d rep in step with rightousexuality.
     Our oil could not hide, nor guns be tucked away,
     And Russian vistas snapped from cameras on the clearest day.

     What ants! What lemmings!
     What insane pachyderms!
     They ride the fence like champs,
     but will not fence out foreign worms!

O Palin, My Palin, I can’t believe you passed!
     Our foreign policy has needed backbone in its mast!
     Obama and that Clinton fool are pansies in the field,
     I wish the world could see a rogue like you with nukes to wield!

     But Hope, sweet Hope,
     Thy faint alluring scent,
     The wish of men that once again,
     You’d run Vice President!








 …SARAH PALIN FOR VP 2012!!!